Written by MICHELLE GALLAGHER
At one point or another, we have all made terrible blunders, screwed the pooch or just plain F*%*d Up. For real. Admit it. I have. I often say that I’m a recovered asshole. We are human and we were born to err and make mistakes. This is part of our evolution as spiritual beings having a human experience.
But admitting when you have been wrong or wronged in the dance of life with someone well, that’s the first part of being an active participant in any relationship. I’m not talking about just the intimate kind but also the friendship or acquaintance kind. Oh let us not forget the relationships cultivated like the work ones and the good old family vibes kind too!
I’m talking mutual relationships…all of them. As a yogi, I have come to truly understand that relationships are in fact the highest form of yoga. Often we are looking to change someone else’s behavior or reaction when in fact improving upon our own spiritual and emotional flexibility, our patience or fiscal responsibility is the work.
As you know through experience, in life, things often go awry. Sometimes even horrifically.
One person’s stress can become another person’s nightmare. My seventh grade teacher once said “You hurt the ones you love the most.” and that has always stuck with me. Miscommunication can often blossom from bad moods or misplaced stress.
Misunderstandings are often inevitable because of circumstances beyond anyone’s control. Then, temperatures flare. Ego’s are bruised. Vows of silence are sworn, mumbled beneath our breath and apologies seem like a foreign language we just can’t seem to grasp.
Insert (Ghosting). And Gasp! Relationship over.
As humans, we will almost always say or do things that we later regret. It is in our nature.
And then there are those moments in general where our well laid intentions are also not well received.
When things have gone or go south in a way that we did not intend or forsee, we have more or less for a larger part of the last decade have had a tendency to draw too many lines in the sand because of the easy flick of the wrist with social media. In the ‘heat’ of the moment,
something stupid can pop out of your mouth or through your thumbs via text, facebook post or tweet. We’ve all been there. I have been there.
There is however, another way. We don’t have to continue to make this route or one’s similar our reality. It sounds scary and sometimes it is but we can stay present to what comes at us with flexibility and resilience. To ultimately save yourself, big picture, to reclaim your karma and the other person’s feelings, an apology is more or less in order.
Step 1. Say that you F$&d up.
Admit it. It’s what it is. The thing happened. It’s over and there is no going back.
Accountability is the new black.
Yep. I said it. Be accountable. Period. It’s the first step to reclaiming your sanity and starting the healing process because let’s face it. The thing hurt. Oh and accountability at it’s core is sexy.
Step 2. APOLOGIZE with sincerity.
Meaning: saying your sorry and absolutely with conviction, meaning you are truly SORRY.
Admitting where you went wrong; i.e.; I am so sad that this happened and was hoping for your forgiveness. This statement alone will come across way better than ‘you always do x or make me feel x so that’s why did or said x’.
Feel the difference? The first statement is seeking forgiveness while the second sentence is basically not an apology and prolonging the bullshit.
Check this vid out for more wise words on that:
Step 3. Give it (the person/situation) time and some much needed space. When you hit your head you need time for it to heal. When you have a cold you need to heal.
Healing in and of itself takes time and is an essential part of the emotional and spiritual growing process. In that time if you naturally grow back together through apology and forgiveness than you can count on this relationship evolving further in the future.
If in the healing process you still feel icky or the other person acts out by bad mouthing you, makes threats or continues to treat you like garbage consider the following:
The way they conduct their business shows a lot more about them then it does about you. If you have admitted the fault in your stars and it’s months or years later and they are still throwing a tantrum to any willing ear, there is a stake in the claim of victim hood that they need to hold on for ego’s validation and it no longer becomes about you or the wrong doing itself.
To play the victim for a long, drawn out amount of time (aka, holding a grudge, withholding love) becomes about this person needing to find and have a deeper healing than what occurred between you.
Some relationships have an expiration date. People can come in and out of our lives but if neither one or the other is willing to work things out in the name of LOVE then the lesson is in boundaries and reflection after departure. It is … OUCH!, but true.
Step 4. Ask yourself and/or your Higher Power to forgive and help you forgive any and all parties involved. Absolve everyone from the karmic ties of the drama bomb that dropped. This is also a key factor in anyone and everyone’s spiritual growth. It is also most often, harder to do that gathering the courage to say your sorry.
Here’s a great relationship meditation by Gabby Bernstien to do the work.
Step 5. Ask yourself and your Higher Power how you can become a better person after this instance. Evolution is asking the kind of questions that will help you move forward and also live in higher vibration. Questions like:
How can I become an even better friend, co-worker, lover or sister from the crazy thing that transpired?
What can I own and take accountability for?
In the wake of any and all devastation being responsible for your part in the matter is responsible.
Healing is necessary. Grace is the actions of how you handle the entire process.
How do you deal with things when $#*t hits the fan in order to make things right again?
Leave a note in the comments below or share your love with me @ Michelle@VenusRisingInc.com
Michelle Gallagher loves to turn your fear, your anxiety back over to the intuition you were born with. Find out more about her and her work at www.VenusRisingInc.com